We are being unmade
A curation of how to become more of who you are in your leadership and in your life.
Art by Sarah Neubert
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I get asked a lot of questions about making this journey we often call leadership.
How do I get to that place?
That place where...
I stop second guessing myself
I don't care so much about what other people think of me
I can say the things that need to be said and also have the capacity to care about my impact
I'm not punishing myself when things don't go well
I don't have to work so much or so hard
I don't feel so scared/tired/anxious/sad/hurt/frustrated/angry/disappointed/etc
I’m unapologetically asking for what I need
I can take risks and hold myself steady in the uncertainty
No matter how things turn out, I’m still OK
I feel like me
That place where my feet are on the ground. I know where home is. I can move through some of the most challenging and uncomfortable situations that work and life serve up and — although maybe feeling a little bruised and a bit crispy from the fire — come out the other side with more strength, confidence, and my whole heart in tact, every single time.
I know where that place is. And even though that place is not permanent, there are no guarantees that I will get there even with all the effort and good intentions, and it doesn't come in a straight line or without pain and discomfort, I know it’s worth it.
Because this is the place where we are being unmade. This is the place where we are becoming more of who we are.
Over the last many months, I've been sharing the experiences and practices that have supported me in becoming more of the human I want to be, both in my leadership and in my life. I've curated these for you below. And now they each have audio available so you can listen wherever you go.
There has to be a name for this —
this crumbling that feels good
despite the wreckage.Morgan Hoog//Revolution Song
Wishing you the crumbling and the courage to begin this journey of being unmade.
And if you find that you'd like someone to support you on this adventure — as your private coach, with your team, or inside your organization — I am here.
Showing up
"If we are honest, these stuck times keep coming because — every time — we are being asked to look closer, go deeper, and explore and expand our capacity to be who we are in a way that scares the shit out of us."
I'm recommending you start with this one because if you're on the path to becoming the human (and leader) you really want to be, learning how to show up for yourself along the way will make the greatest impact. This non-negotiable practice has changed everything for me.
Breaking the hustle
"We think depleting, abandoning, and neglecting ourselves — in service to a colleague, a boss, or pleasing someone in a role with more power and influence — is how we get people to see us. We could hustle for the rest of our lives to be seen by people who may never even see themselves."
When I work with organizations, one of the first significant things we do together is break the addiction to an unsustainable pace. We disrupt the story that the only way to be successful is to go faster, do more, and sacrifice our souls in the process. Typically we're wasting a ton of energy and effort on things that don't actually result in valuable work or desirable outcomes. But first, we need to give ourselves permission to slow down, zoom out, and be intentional and purposeful in how we choose to work.
Cleaving from our own comfort
"But there are sacrifices for every choice that goes against the grain. You don't slash and burn without cleaving from your own comfort." Maya Stein
We spend a lot of time in old habits and patterns that appear to be comfortable and lack effort, but are actually a ton of work and a form of self-sabotage.
Unlearning these ways of being and working can be challenging and scary at first, but this choice is what unlocks expansion, growth, and the light that keeps pointing us toward the life we want to live.
Trusting ourselves
"Sometimes I hold on really tightly to the things I have in my life — even if it's something I'm not really enjoying and don't really want — just because it gives me something certain I can have in my grasp."
We're so afraid of making a mistake or making the wrong choice that we often don't make any moves at all. Learning to trust ourselves requires us to be conscious of when we're engineering the appearance of perfection and safety to avoid the experience of learning (often called failure).
Decision making isn’t actually about knowing the answer. It's about being courageous and vulnerable enough to make a move, trust, and show up for ourselves as we learn to steer through the discomfort of uncertainty.
Who do you really want to be as a leader?
"Of all the trainings I've attended over the years, this was hands down the most impactful workshop for my personal and leadership growth. Wish I would have taken this years ago!" - Mathew Sweezey//Chief Strategy Officer
I'll leave you with this one as it is the gateway to everything above. This two-day experience — based on the work of Brené Brown — is a monumental threshold that will equip you with the tools to support you in becoming the most resilient and truest version of yourself.
If you're thinking about it, get in touch. I'm happy to share more.
I have been practicing that kind of active surrender; being aware of what is going on in my body, curious about why I want to run away, and kind to myself when I choose not to stay.
It seems hard to plan for the kind of opportunities that being unmade involves. Is it more a case of posture and preparation of how we meet those things when they come.